Breakfast With Tiffani

Nothing to see here. Move along, please...

2004-05-25T11:12:00.000-07:00

Tiffani's new spot is up and open for business. Now you can have Breakfast With Tiffani to the delightful accompanyment of dozens of Munuvians.

Moving

2004-05-10T06:46:00.000-07:00

Hey all...I have not fallen off of the face of the earth. I am here and well. Jim and Pixy are so kindly helping me move to Munu. So hopefully soon I'll have a new look and some new posts. Hope everyone is doin well.

18 days to Cancun

2004-04-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had one of those drunken nights when you wake up & you have a sinking feeling in your stomach?

You try to think hard, almost so hard that you feel like you have to throw up. You know... something happened but your not sure. Then....all of a sudden you gasp. In embarrassment. Yeah? Me too.

You ever had those types of friends that no matter what they drink. No matter how long they drink that they still don't get drunk? You ever have one of those friends that can recall every single little detail of the night before? But yet you can't remember how you got where you are from the night before? Yeah? Me too.

Now I'm going to Cancun with them.

Oh Pooh

2004-04-22T10:48:00.000-07:00

I lost 5lbs!!!

My boss thinks it's because I finally squeezed one out.

Not me I don't do that.

Yes we have that kind of relationship.

What is it with little boys?

2004-04-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

Everyday I go home for lunch and clean up my house. It's part sickness - part being a working mom who doesn't have any other time to do so and finally part, I think, being the hairest & furriest household on earth. My husband is Italian (hair everywhere) my daughter has hair down to her waist, I have hair to the middle of my back, I have a cat and a ferret that sheds non stop. So, I go home to do my thing. Wipe off tables, load the washer, put my Roomba on blah blah blah. I get to my kids bathroom and the smell of pee overwhelms me. What the hell? The toilet is just covered with pee. I start wiping off everything in sight. But it still smells. Unfortunately they have a small bathroom. Which means no room for error. I still can't figure out where the smell is coming from. Finally, I look at the shower liner (I took the curtain off long ago knowing that it's right next to the toilet) Oh.my.freakin.God. this thing is so disgusting. You can see pee drips on it. Like he just decided to pee in the bathtub on the liner. Now here I am - I have 20 minutes of lunch left and I'm bleaching the living crap out this liner. Just gross that's all I have to say.

Obsessed

2004-04-20T07:38:00.000-07:00

I gotta tell you...I am obsessed with my weight. If I'm not thinking about work or what I have to do at home, I'm thinking about my weight. What I can do to get skinnier. What other exercises I need. What I can't eat anymore. I'm thinking about it more so..now than I ever have because of two reasons. 1. It was 80 degrees this weekend and for the first time since last summer I put (tried to anyway) on a pair of shorts. They didn't fit. And I'm not talking just a little - they didn't fit a lot. 2. I'm leaving to go to Cancun in 25 days. The pressure is ooon.

About 2 years ago I went through a grueling time in my life. I had to wean myself off of these pills called mini thins. Basically they were white crosses. Speed. I took them in the beginning to lose weight after I had my second child 6 years ago. I was so scared of being fat. But I had to stop using them because I could actually feel my heart pound so hard through my chest it scared the living hell out of me. I had terrible mood swings and I was getting really bad chest pains. That was it for me. The reality of death was way too close.

For awhile I just kind of moped around. Not exercising. Eating what ever I wanted. Not caring anymore. I was so addicted to those tiny white pills. I wondered how I was going to get through the day without them. I really went down hard. When you don't take those glorious things. Your appetite is out of control. You want to eat everything and anything. Only because your body was starved...eating away what muscle you ever had.

So now it's 2 years later and I realized about 4 months ago I need to get serious and start doing what's best for me. I've been working out approximately 5 to 6 days a week. I gave up meat. I eat fish, salads , I've stayed away from candy, chocolate, anything sweet. I don't count calories but, I do count fat. You would think that I'd be back down to what I was or at least my goal. 110lbs. Noooo.. I've actually gained weight. GAINED - 15lbs. What the fuck????? And it's not even Muscle it's fat. I'm getting fatter. I've been so depressed about this. I'm honestly flabbergasted. I am determined though. So, yesterday I went to the vitamin Shoppe. I explained what was going on and this guy suggested something called Technadrine Supreme it's a cousin of ephedrin. Only this doesn't cause the problems Ephedrine did. I'm at my last straw. Does anyone know about this??? Does ANYONE have a suggestion? I know that there is more to life and that I shouldn't be so vain. But, honestly I bet every single person you know cares about their weight to some degree.

Screw magazines...just turn on your TV it's everywhere. Reality TV.

I was sitting and watching the swan last night. Now, I was generally very happy for these ladies who get their make over. But, I can't help but feel envious. They sign up for this show. Get a nip, tuck and they're beautiful. Here I am busting my ass and I'm getting no where fast. Makes you think twice about your self esteem. I'm going for a jog ....off the next building.

Let the Sunshine In

2004-04-16T12:19:00.000-07:00

What is it about the weather that makes you want to roll down every single window in your car and blast music? OR is it just me? I know that everyone is writing about the weather - how can you not?

But, when you live in Cleveland and you get 6 months of winter... you appreciate little things. We're so deprived of sunshine it's sad. When we do get it....everyone's so happy they don't know what to do with themselves. It's like civilization is alive again. No more hiding in your house. No more scrapping ice off your car. People are out and about and it's a beautiful thing. Of course as of right now I'm sitting in a way too cold office (damn air conditioning) wishing I was out there blasting my Kid Rock or maybe my Sammy Hagar CD's. But, I got a small tease at lunch. Oh happy days are here again.

2004-04-16T07:36:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the comments about the butt feeler. Here's the update:

My daughter is doing fine and I think (hope) that she for the most part is over it. I finally called the Priest in charge and asked him if he had heard anything. After a week of hearing nothin'....I'm getting more pissed by the minute. Father told me that the police wants the butt feeler to take a lie detector test. Plus the studio is providing a private test as well. I don't know what to think of this. I mean for one....He obviously is saying that my kid is lying and he's telling the truth. Two....why a lie detector test? You can't use that in court. I don't even think that he can get arrested even if he does fail. I don't know what they're trying to prove.

I never mention this to my kid. She wouldn't understand. I don't even understand for that matter.
Does anyone have any suggestions. I'm totally flustered. And the longer I wait the more the importance of it fades.

Weapons of Mass Destruction

2004-04-16T07:20:00.000-07:00

I was listening to the radio this morning to these two guys who to me are just hilarious. Anyway, they gave the listeners some instructions for google. You'll see what I mean....just do it.

go to:
www.google.com
in the search engine type in: weapons of mass destruction
Then click on the "I'm feeling lucky' Button
Now....it looks like you have a page cannot be displayed - But....trust me read it. It's funny as hell. I mean hooda thunkit.

Who the hell do you think you are?

2004-04-09T07:49:00.000-07:00

Reading Helens post this morning got me fired up.

Last Friday evening I had a Parent-Teacher conference. I never know what to expect when I go to these things. My daughter goes to a Catholic school and it's extremely strict. Grades, rules...with just about everything. So I was actually nervous going.

I had just come from work and I didn't talk to my daughter all day. So I really wasn't prepared. It turns out that my daughter was touched inappropriately by a photographer. Can you believe that? Words can not describe the anger I had. Visions of leg breaking were popping in my head.

This is what happened according to my daughter:

Friday was picture day and she dressed herself up really cute to impress a boy ( I know its irrelevant but, I thought it was cute nonetheless). When it was her turn, the photographer's helper sat her down in front of a fake stone wall. Her legs were placed to one side. When he finished positioning her legs he reached behind her with his left hand and squeezed her butt. SQUEEZED HER BUTT! He then....had the fucking balls to smile at her. After she had finished having her picture taken she returned to her class room. From what she says she only told her best friend. She kept that inside and told no one else until the end of the day. About 15 minutes before the bell rang to go home she went and told her teacher. Do you know that that asshole did the same thing to another little boy? Plus he was calling the kids sexy! They're 10 fucking years old. TEN. My poor kid. She was so ashamed and embarrassed that she couldn't even bring herself to tell her dad while I was at the meeting.

The teacher told me that she called the Child Protective Services and that I would be hearing from someone soon. (This is where it gets messy). I waited all weekend to hear something. I know that they have more important cases to follow. Cases that are severe. But I did expect a phone call from someone. Maybe the principle, the teacher, the Priest who is charge of everything. Not one word. I didn't hear anything until 7:30 Monday night. The principle finally called to tell me that the Child Services can't do a thing until the kids were interview. Fine and dandy right? Wrong. There is some sort of rule with the Catholic church that says that they are not allowed to do the interviewing. Wow real shocker there. The head priest called the police & scheduled an interview for the following morning. The principle told me I was more than welcome to attend. You bet your ass I'll attend with questions. She also mentioned to me that she would like for me to not tell anyone. She didn't want to cause a panic. Yep that's the Catholic church for ya. Meanwhile my daughters growing anticipation is making her sick and she's second guessing herself. Should she have told the truth? Did she do the right thing?

The next morning I arrive 10 minutes early because I wanted to write down some questions I had. My plan was shot to shit when the other mother arrived. (this has nothing to do with the story but has to be said) I've seen this women a few times and every single time I see her...it's like watching a car accident. I'm soo not shitting you. Her hair is tall and frizzy. She shaves her mustache and beard. She has black stubbles everywhere. She twitches all the time and she came with a huge stain on her shirt. I couldn't hold a conversation with out being distracted by the twitching and the stain. All I did was stare. Oh... you would too. Who are you kidding?

Anyway, the interview went fine. My daughter told the police everything she told me in detail. She was uncomfortable at first but, she warmed up. Now it's the waiting game once again to see what going to happen to this guy.

My question is this: Who does this man think he is? What gives him the right to touch my kid? Why didn't anyone step up to the plate and say or do something? There were adults all around. Am I overreacting? After all it was just her butt.

Dazed and Confused

2004-04-09T06:28:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a while since I've written anything. I started this thinking of all the stories I had to tell. But once I get here I draw a blank. Not so much a blank but more of how to put everything in my head down in writing. It's hard you know? I wish I had someone who could write it down for me. My biggest fear is sounding like a moron. I know everyone has their own techniques. Jim's funny & intelligent. Helen has so much power and passion in her words. Emily just says anything and it comes out like your actually having a conversation with her and then there's The Cheese Leeanne who never seizes to crack me up. I can go on and on. I guess I need to find a common ground.

I love it!

2004-04-01T11:39:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Day:

" A little lemon and seltzer will remove those pesky ink stains after you've been fingerprinted. "
Martha Stewart

The other women

2004-03-29T07:35:00.000-08:00

I have a love hate relationship with my doctor. I love her for oohhh so many reasons. I've been going to her years. She's this big, black, lovely woman. She has cute little freckles sprinkled on her cheeks. She has a voice that can soothe the most frightened child. And a laugh that makes you want to smile instantly. She truly cares about my well being. She jokes with me too ease my pain. She whistles whiles she works. You can tell she really loves her job. I would never stray away from her. Never would I cheat on her.

I have thought about it, though. I've thought about breaking up. There are just too many little factors that make me think of another. When she is gone - no one else is there to help. She doesn't take appointments. First come first serve. It literally takes a half a day to see her. I need more than that. I need someone who will set aside her time to spend with me...just me.

You see Wednesday morning I went to see her. 8:00am I get into my truck thinking that I'll be the first one she sees. But, to my dismay when I get to her building there is a line of others waiting outside her door. So, I sit with my book - waiting for her. Waiting to see her smiling eyes. The door opens and in a mad rush we jot our names down to be the first. I'm last. I wait an hour. My name is finally called and my heart is pounding in my chest. I get so anxious and yet excited at the same time. Wow it's MY turn. MY turn. But, then my excitement dies down as the minutes pass in the exam room. Fifteen minutes...Thirty...Forty-five...by this time my anxiety isn't for her anymore its for my boss. Is he going to be upset with me? I've been gone for two hours and I haven't been seen yet. I'm deep in thought and then, I hear her voice. My heart starts racing again. Finally I hear the door knob. The door swings open and I see her sweet smile. It's my time with her. She looks at me so tenderly. Every word I'm saying is important to her. She waits with baited breath. Finally she touches my hand and tells me with such sincerity that if it's not my thyroid then well figure it out. Ahh...after doubting her before, I know this is why I've waited so long to see her. It's worth it.

She told me that she would call me on Friday with my test results. I waited by the phone. I waited for her to call me. But, she didn't . I made a move to call her. The nurse said she will be away until next Friday. What? Did she desert me? I can't wait until Friday. I need to know. Doesn't she love me? Doesn't she care?

This morning I got a call from the nurse.. the dr wanted to call me personally but, she had a family emergency and couldn't. Oh I feel so bad now. She thought of me when her times are troubled.

Never again will my thoughts be of doubting her again.

Until......I get sick.

-Tiffani

Oh and by the way....Negative. No Thyroid problems here!

Happy Friday

2004-03-26T12:43:00.000-08:00

Absolutely nothing new here. Although it is 60 degrees. Finally! The snows melted thank GOD. The downside....it's raining. I swear to God winter lasts until May here. Times like this I wish I were back in San Diego..at least it's kind of sunny there once the smog burns off.

Which my mom is convinced it's a fire. Every fucking day. Must be paranoid.

2004-03-25T10:41:00.000-08:00

I know it's been awhile. I apologize. My life seems to be in a uproar lately. I went to the dr's yesterday because quite frankly my sister scared the living shit out of me Tuesday night. Lately I've been feeling really tired and worn down. My hair is falling out and I've gained some weight quite rapidly. These as I am informed are all signs of a thyroid problem. My mother and my sister both have a hypo thyroid. (my mom's was eventually taken out). I knew that this does run in the family and never really gave it much thought. The hair falling out can be simply explained because it's quite long and it gets tangled. But, I can't explain the tiredness and the weight gain. In three months I've gained 20lbs. Which really doesn't seem like much to everyone else. But, to me it does. I'm very conscious of it because it shows more on me being only 5'2". I was explaining all these things to my sis and she suggested I go to the dr's.

So I did. The doc said that I have 4 out of the 8 symptoms. They drew blood and I find out tomorrow. If I don't have a problem great. But, I still want to know why the sudden weight gain. I exercise religiously everyday and I eat very healthy. Maybe it's my metabolism. I don't know.

Busy Busy Day

2004-03-22T13:58:00.000-08:00

Mondays aren't fun for me. It seems that everyone and their brother calls me with their problems. That's why it's so light today.

This weekend was a weird experience.

My daughter is going to be 11 in 2 months. Only she looks like she's 9. It's funny when I look at the girls now-a-days. The pre-teens look like I did when I was 16 and the teenagers look like they're in their 20's. I know everyone says that and I cannot stress enough how true that is.

My daughter had her friend spend the weekend with us. Now I have only seen this girl just a couple of times and they were fast flashes for the most part. Her friend is 12 and is the 5th grade (she was held back once) but, she looks like she is 15 years old. It kinda blew me away when she first walked in the house. She didn't have make up on or she didn't dress trashy. She didn't have to. She just looked so mature. Thank God she acted like she was my daughters age.

I wonder if it's something in the water. If anyone finds out don't tell my daughter where it is. I like her just the way she is.... young and innocent. (or I'd like to think so)

Woody

2004-03-19T11:07:00.000-08:00

A few years ago, my son notice something happening to his...Well you know...(I'm trying to be discreet here) his wee wee. It was in the morning - so you figure it out. Anyway, he was really curious about this whole ordeal and asked me what was going on down there. I sent him immediately to his dad.

Dad proceeds explain to him what happens to the male body when they first wake up. Son didn't get it. So...dad says "It's called the morning wood". Son seemed pretty pleased with the explaination and it was never mentioned again. That was that or so I thought.

This was right after his 3rd birthday. He got tons of presents but, the best one he received was a tool set. It came with the usual stuff, hammer, screw driver, level etc. My husband gave him some wood to pound with his hammer when they were outside. I don't know if my son planned this or what. But, he must have put the wood in his room so it would get thrown away. I don't know... I'm still trying to figure that one out. Anyway, my son comes into the room the next day, wakes up his dad and said "look dad Morning wood". Nice huh.

P.S. I asked my son awhile ago what he wanted to be when he grew up. His response: a Comedian
My response: Oh goody.

I Feel Old

2004-03-19T07:18:00.000-08:00

Has anyone ever made you feel old? I do. Every. Single. Day. Except for Fridays.

I've been working at the same company for 8 years. As I said before I love my job. I get paid good money and my boss' nick name for me is princess. Up until 'she' came along.

Our company is small. There were for many years, only the 3 of us here. The owner, his son and me. Within the last few months we've been expanding beyond our belief. And I was feeling incredibly overwhelmed with my workload. On one paticular day, I was feeling like I wanted to gouge out my eyeballs from stress and I honestly thought about bringing a gun to work (just in case someone put one more God damn thing on my desk). I went to my boss and told him that I would sacrifice my upcoming pay raise, if he would just let me hire an assistant for myself. To my surprise he told me I could. I went through the process of going through a temp agency. Why a temp agency? For a couple of reasons. 1. If I didn't like her I could get a replacement easily. 2. If it didn't work out I would tell the agency just that...it didn't work out & there wouldn't be any hard feelings. We've had previous experience with the Temp agency before. Both times it was when I was going on vacation. The first gal was really quite good. The second....not so much. But, we were willing to try it once more.

Monday morning rolls around and I'm excited with the prospect that I might actually have time to go to the bathroom today. And then "she" walks in. She is tall 5' 10 about 105lbs with long sandy blonde hair. I'm thinking to myself when I see her...just fucking great. (If you must know one thing about me. It is that I am one of the most self confident people out there. I had to be to survive my family life. It was the only way for me. To be strong and to love myself because no one would-here is a fast description of me 5' 2" 115lbs, blond hair, blue eyes and oh yeah...I'm 33) Anyway...getting back to the story. I'm thinking just great - Barbie just walked in. I had to admit she was a sweet girl. She learned everything fast and I really didn't have to explain anything twice. So what's the problem?

I've never really thought much about my age. I've always felt really young. I still get carded when I by beer and cigs. That was enough for me. But, then I started second guessing myself when "she" was around me. "She" is a young 23 year old girl. "She" just graduated from college. This is her first real job. She dates. She is excited by the littlest things. She talks so fast she actually wears me out. Where did all my energy go? I remember being like her. I didn't realize it was gone until "she" came along. I find myself living vicarioulsy through her at times. All the fun stories and when she comes back from her dates she debriefs it with me. However, I can only take her in little increments at a time. Don't get me wrong she is a lovely gal. She just bought me a present...8 min abs and arms. Do you think she's trying tell me something? I'm calling the Temp agency. I want a grandma here....

My 1st Chedder

2004-03-18T18:19:00.000-08:00

Chedder X says that were supposed to use word association with this weeks chedder. I'm good at sarcatic answers. I'm really good at trivia, but...word association? Just great....

When I say:
Olympics, you say? = Mary Lou
Politics = No thanks
John Kerry = dickhead
George Bush = The man
Osama = Satan
Same-sex marriage = nothing
Todd Bertuzzi = WHO?
Barry Bonds = cheat
The Passion of the Christ = wow
Beach = San Diego, Mission Beach, awesome, roller coaster, Roberto's burritos (sorry...I love that place)
Britney Spears = fake inside and out
Paris Hilton = dingbat
Microsoft = yeah soo?
France = Assholes - And I'm half French (don't hold it against me....please)
Hans Blix = Moron
Linux = WHAT?
MTV = Newlyweds -Jessica Simson & Nick Lache
Outsource = WHERE?
Hummer H2 = Second rate
Honor = Respect
Love = infatuation, SEX,SEX,SEX, bestfriend
Courteney Love = pale face & red lips..a hole.

I know that seems a little negative.
Here's some positive ones

Kids - Fun
Charlie Sheen - oh baby
Survivor - I'm a full fledge junkie
Job - I love it
Music - Kid Rock, Sammy Hagar
SEX- Not enough.
Labron James - proud he's a Clevelander
Sport - Football, beer, The Browns

Okee dokee - can't think anymore - I'm on nyquil and it's kickin' in(purty good ain't I for being hopped up on drugs?) NEED. TO. GO. TO. BED...GA'NIGHT

Mommy Dearest

2004-03-18T13:24:00.000-08:00

My moms manic....
If anyone knows what that means then, you know exactly what I went through growing up. If you don't, it means she's a manic depressive person. Only we didn't know it. Way back when, it wasn't recognized as widely as it is now. Back then...people thought she was just crazy. She even thought she was crazy. Have you ever seen the movie "The Devine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood. You know the character Ashley Judd played? That was my mom to a perfect little "T".

Yep..I've seen it all. Nothing ever surprised me. Even in my earliest of memories. I look back and remember my mom locking herself in her room. Suicide attemps. Beatings. Yelling. She even was admitted a couple of times in the psych ward.

One incident I remember so vividly, was visiting her at that place. I went with my sister (it was a family dinner night). I got such a pit in my stomach sick feeling when I saw her in there. (I'm convinced those places do not better a person). They drug them up until you don't even recognize them anymore. I first handedly witnessed my mother transform into a completely different person. No..Not for the better. I don't know how it happened but, she turned into a Mimi from the Drew Cary show. Weird clothes. Make up on that would make RuPaul blush. Piercings up and down both ears and she was seeing a guy that was about 20 years older than her and he was in a wheelchair, who also was committed to the ward. Did I forget to mention that she was still married to the "cheater"?

Oh yeah...he was the one who put her there in the first place. He cheated on her for what seemed like the 30th time and I guess that drove her over the edge. She was on her 3rd nervous breakdown. Hence...the locking herself in the bedroom and suicide attemps. Anyway, I was convinced she was going to stay that way. She eventually got out but, not without scars. We all have them.

I bring this up now because I just got off the phone with her and it amazes me to no end how she is now. She is a completely different person. After I moved away, she finally got a dr. that was legit. He knew his stuff & he diagnosed her with Manic Depression and put her on Lithium. She is now a strong vibrant woman. She has survived mental illness, breast cancer, a stroke and above all she has survived the "cheater". I love my mom. She to me is a hero in every sense of the way.

Someone sent me this and I laughed until I almost pee'd

2004-03-17T12:55:00.000-08:00

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their ass!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that? No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came would I be standing here, dumb ass?

I should go back to bed

2004-03-17T12:11:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had one of those days were you know that you should just go right back to bed?
I woke up a half an hour late for work.
My shirt was so full of static my hair was starting lift off of me by it's self.
I have a huge zit in the middle of my forehead.
My pants were wrinkled.
I couldn't find my boots.
I had to take my kids to daycare (add another half hour to being late because my daughter couldn't find anything green to wear) They didn't have school because it's a Catholic holiday.
And to top it all off...It snowed 6 inches last night. Everything is frozen solid and dipshit me forgot to warm up the car. So, here I am telling the kids to stop breathing because they're fogging up the windows. While I'm looking out a whole the size of a quarter in my windshield because it's to damn cold to scrape the whole thing. Going about 60 miles an hour
in a 35 zone. I shit you not.
Screw St. Patricks day. I'm going to bed

I'LL HAVE A SIDE OF CRAZY WITH THAT

2004-03-17T08:50:00.000-08:00

I'll have a side of crazy with that!

Well I'm finally doing it! I've joined the blog world.

Let me tell you a little about myself.

My name is Tiffani. When people ask me where I'm from I automatically say I'm from San Diego. I just can't bring myself to say I'm from Cleveland. The fact is, I was born and raised in San Diego. When I was just a wee bit of a gal I met and fell in love with my then boyfriend who was living in S.D. He went there to be with his friend who was in the Navy and also to party his ass off. It just so happened he met me and everything went up hill from there. When he was done with said partying. He decided that it was time to pack it up and move back home. Did I mention he was Italian aka Momma's boy. So, I did what any insane, infatuated and nieve 17 year old would do after knowing him for only six months. Yep..that's right people, I moved to Cleveland to be with him. The good thing is I've been here ever since. Going on 16 years. The bad thing? It's snowing. Again. Need I say more?

We have two kids. My daughter is 11 and my son is 6.

I own a home and all that come with being a respectable adult...blah...blah...blah.

All of my family lives in California and think I'm about the dumbest person they've ever met. Any time I go home for a visit these questions are always brought up. "When are you moving home" or "Why would you live there"?
Why? Lots of reasons.
1. My mom is clinically insane (more on that later)
2. My stepdad is a chronic cheater (more on that later)
3. My real dad - who is he again?
4. My sister is homeless
5. My brother is a moron

Now don't get me wrong. I love my family. I really do. But, the saying goes...you can't pick your family. It's true for me in every sense. Altogether, I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers and with each and every single one of them, I have stories. Not just quirky stories. But...damn...is that real...stories.

In fact when I was on vacation with 12 of my friends we got on the subject of my family and I shared some of said stories. I kid you not when I say their jaws were all open. Practically drooling. They told me many times that I should write a book. I laughed it off. Who me? I barely have a highschool diploma. I have no desire to write a book. However, I did start thinking about the blogs and some very very good ones are out there. I thought why not. It just might be therapy for me.

So with that. I give you my very first blog.

Please know if your looking for a political blog you aint gunna get it here. I hate politics. I vote. That's it. This is about as political as it gets. Kerry is a face I'd like to punch. If that offends you then....(you fill in the blank)